Soul First Living

The Roots: How Cancer Led to my Money Obsession

In Napoleon Hill's book, Think and Grow Rich , he talks about the necessity of having a burning desire for money...that without that kind of desire for money, money wouldn't come to you.

I always thought that his advocating "a burning desire for money" was a bit crass and rude.

I thought that pursuing money like that, with that kind of desire, was wrong - immoral, a sin.

Yet, as I mentioned before, I had this dream of staying home and making a lot of money.

So, I came up with all these plans to make the money, most of which involved working really hard

because I thought that this was how you earned a lot of money - through hard work. This is proof positive that I didn't know what I didn't know about how money works. (Money Tip: Working hard does not equal making lots of money.)

Then that burning desire hit me, and I became obsessed with understanding money...and with having it.

My desire to "stay home and make lots of money" was renewed thanks to cancer.

Cancer was the match that lit my burning desire for money.

This is why...

When I got cancer, I realized what a precarious position I was in - what a precarious situation we are all in - if we rely on a job or on our presence at work activities in order to make money.

Certainly, it dawned on me how fortunate I was...I was in a position where I didn't have to work. Yet I knew that so many people, when struck by a serious illness, end up financially ruined.

(Illness is actually a large cause of bankruptcy.)

I'm grateful I had my husband to rely on. Other people aren't so fortunate...and don't understand that it could be different, that their relationship with money could exist in a form other than one that requires them to exchange time for money.

I didn't understand that either. In my quest, I had read about method of making money in books, but I didn't quite get it. It's kind of like reading about flying in an airplane versus actually taking a ride in the plane.

I had depended on a regular job to make money. I didn't know any other way to make money, and even if I had had a business that worked, my presence would probably still have been required.

(I had also done some freelancing, and while that is considered "owning a business". I still had to be there in order to provide the service and make the money. No me = no money, and in that case, do you own a business or does the business own you?)

I had talked to many other young women and knew of others who were having to decide between dental care and cancer treatment, between getting their car fixed or getting groceries.

I knew there had to be a better way, an easier way, and I became obsessed - literally - with finding it. (My daddy gave me a stuffed bulldog when I was little because of this tenacity...I'm pretty sure it occasionally got rather exasperating for my parents. I could be stubborn when I set my mind to something.)

Cancer cause me to redefine what was or was not possible.

Throughout the cancer ordeal, I saw things happen in my body that weren't supposed to be possible...calcifications disappeared, my 4 hour surgery took less than two, very little bruising, ports were removed 24 hours after surgery instead of 5 days later, I got my implants right away.

After seeing these things, I started questioning what was going on with money in my life.

Here's my reasoning: If the physical "impossibilities" were happening in my body so easily - all I did was visualize and try to keep my focus on health --- then what was so terribly difficult about money.

I figured that there was something I wasn't understanding.

I worked hard, put forth effort, but I wasn't seeing the financial return that I should be seeing...and I knew there were people who were making a lot of money, but who were not "tied down" to a job or service.

They obviously knew something I didn't know...and after my cancer scare and seeing how vulnerable I was, I became determined to understand money.

I vowed that I would never be in that precarious situation again. I vowed that I would understand money and how to earn it easily. I vowed that I would help as many other people as possible find the same freedom.

That's how I became obsessed - in the best way - with money.

I invite you to join me on this journey...you can be free of money worries - even in this economy.

(And if you keep following me, I'll explain - in very simple terms - why what you hear in the media about the economy isn't quite accurate...and why unemplyment and layoffs can be the FIRST sign of real, true economic growth. It may not sound sexy...but I promise you that once you understand these things...you will experience freedom around money that you have never experienced before!)

Click the links on this page to follow me on Twitter and Facebook...you can also put your name and email in the box above and get my popular weekly ezine "Soul and Success Guide".

About the Pepsi and Chips...Your Health and Junk Food

I have expensive tastes, it's true, and still, it doesn't take much to make me happy.

I'm just as happy with 5 star dining as I am with dive bar burgers...

The Waterfront Burger in San Diego and El's Burger in Morehead City, NC, are tops on my list.

(That's me with an El's Burger at Thanksgiving. Mmmmm....tasteeee.)

I love food right off the farm, and I also like to indulge in the so called "bad for me" fast food. (Taco Bell was one of the first things I could say as a kid...seriously. And I still love it!)

I hear people talk about eating healthy, and I see all the reports on how this food or that food prevents cancer, slows aging, improves your eyesight, yada yada yada.

I believe that good nutrition is important - crucial even. But I just don't buy this "Fanatical Food" trend where various foods, in turn, get either villilfied or put on a pedestal.

Food, your diet...and life itself...is more about the whole picture.

I bring this up because I've had people be surprised that I eat junk food. (I suppose this makes me a rather odd breed of wellness professional.)

The surprise at junk food sounds something like this..."But you've had cancer", "You know that causes cancer, don't you?"...

Then there are those "latest studies" touted in the media.

It's always about the the latest wonder food that's going to "cure all your ills" - or the latest food villain that's going to "get you". (If you'll notice, these studies say "could" help prevent, "could" be linked to...The only study I'm aware of that links food and health/disease, and that has hard core science behind it is the Mediterranean Diet, and that study focused on the link between the Mediterranean style diet and heart disease....in case you're interested, I learned this from a doctor at a conference on breast cancer who was talking about a link between food and cancer.)

It seems that this study, directly or indirectly, helped launched a rabid interest in villifying foods...butter got villified in favor of margarine of all things! In whose world is margarine better for you than butter?! Margarine is the ultimate fake food.

My favorite "fake food" is actually a drink...

I ADORE Pepsi - love the smell of it, even...and the saltiness of the kettle cooked bbq potato chips is a nice complement to the sweetness of the Pepsi. (I gotta love the "Taste Born in the Carolinas".)

What I know is that if I were to die tomorrow, I'm going to regret NOT having had the Pepsi if I wanted it. On my deathbed, I don't imagine being excited about the discipline I had in denying myself a taste experience or pleasure.

The truth is, I didn't touch junk food for years and years before I was diagnosed with cancer. (I went on a bit of a soda binge in high school...and it zapped my energy so much that I swore off all junk food, fake food, and fried food - try swearing off that last one if you're Southern!)

I always ate healthy, and I cooked a lot...and, like I said, no Southern cooking, either. No fat back or bacon fat. No fried foods....but, to be truthful, that last one's only because I'm terrified of hot grease.

There were lots of veggies, some lean meat, very little saturated fat...my dad called my cooking "Sticks & Twigs" - precisely because I didn't fry everything in two inches of bacon grease!

Mind you, I didn't eat this way out of concern over my health. I lived on a farm as a kid and loved vegetables. In fact, I wouldn't eat English peas until I'd had them fresh...those mushy, drab olive pebbles out of the can are a crime!

I simply loved good, healthy food. Food tastes so different when you're that close to where it came from.

It tastes "alive".

So, there was no real concern over my health, just a love of good food and a love of cooking.

Fast forward 15+ years...

I went to the doctor to get the results of the lumpectomy. He told me it was cancer, and we discussed treatment options. Then, hubs, my mom and I went to breakfast at Panera...in shock, but we went to Panera.

Then I had my mom drive me to the grocery store where I bought Pepsi, chips, 3 bags of Pepperidge Farm cookies, and that "nasty", really bad for you, orangey-yellowish cheese dip.

When I got home, I parked myself on the sofa with my loot...and proceeded to pig out. (And I thoroughly enjoyed myself.)

My mother looked on in shock because, as I said, I was always the "healthiest" of eaters...no junk for years. I was just never attracted to it, really.

She looked at me in amazement and asked, "What are you doing?"...as in, "Aren't you worried about your health? You were just diagnosed with cancer. That stuff's bad for you."

My response: "What's it gonna do...give me cancer? Newsflash: Already got that check in the box!"

I suppose you could argue that my reaction in getting the junk food was just that...reactionary, and perhaps it was. Actually, I'm sure it was. (The reaction for me was: I ate healthy before, and I ended up with cancer anyway.) Most people, when diagnosed with a disease, usually are going toward the healthy as compensation for previous poor eating habits.

Consider this...there are stories of Indian yogis drinking poison or taking LSD...with no effects. Perhaps we get what we expect. For example, in quantum physics, a wave particle becomes either a wave or a particle depending on the scientist's expectation.

And let me make myself clear...

I'm not denying that there is a connection to food and health...not at all. Food is how we get energy - it's the building blocks of our body and chemical catalyst for bodily functions. (Great summary on the function of food in Paul Zane Pilzer's The New Wellness Revolution: How to Make a Fortune in the Next Trillion Dollar Industry.)

I simply think there's more to the story than this good/bad dichotomy.

I believe in "moderation" and joy...and for me, that sometimes means going for years without a soda and then having several in a short time span.

Should you make a diet out of junk food?

Good Lord, NO!

Just the thought of that makes me ill...but so does the mindset that says, "Always be on guard. Be careful...better not have that, it might kill you."

I firmly believe the constant worry over stuff like that will kill you just as quickly as the junk food. Those kind of thoughts are like junk food for your mind and spirit...both of which have a proven effect on the body.

Sick thoughts equal a sick body. (When working with someone, I can actually tell what the psychospiritual problem is by where the disease settles in the body. For example, anger often settles in the liver.)

While a steady diet of junk food certainly might kill you, so might a steady diet of just carrots - at the least, either would certainly lead to deficiencies. (Plus, that many carrots would very likely turn your skin orange.)

I don't believe in a philospohy of denial as though denial were a virtue. It's not...we were meant to enjoy life.

Defining yourself in the negative by living in a world where "not", "can't have", "avoid" and "denial" are the norm is to live a life of limitation, a life in chains. Those thoughts come from a place of limitation, lack and poverty...nothing can grow from this place of void.

The mindset that lives in fear is just as deadly as the food it fears, if not moreso. Fear will kill you quick as a bullet.

Nature and life is about growth, abundance, joy. It's about the words "yes" and "more". It's about experiences.

When you come from a place of joy and abundance, you naturally make decisions that work for you, that are in line with what's good for you.

Left to its own devices...the body will crave the foods it needs. The body is an amazing machine! Each of us is beautifully and wonderfully made.

Instead of defining yourself from the negative or from fear by being "against" something - like junk or processed foods, come from a place of being "for" something. Operate from a place of enjoyment and pleasure.

Jesus said, "Resist not evil." Wise advice. As soon as you resist something, you become involved with it. My daddy used to put it this way, "Don't force anything." Things that are forced have a tendency to push back or break.

Instead of outside pressure and force, use flow.

Listen to YOUR body, YOUR inner wisdom, YOUR inner physician about what's good for you.

If completely avoiding junk food works for you and your body likes it, and it makes you feel good about yourself, bravo! I'd say stick with it.

As for me, I'm going to enjoy the occasional Pepsi and bag of chips.

Back (and no longer sick) from Bahrain

I'm back to reporting from Bahrain...and there's lots to report.

(That's my "new" hair. I got a little wild with the hair color and needed a fix. I also got a FAB cut...thanks for all to Natalie!)

Where I've been lately...

I'm known amongst my circle of friends for "disappearing" for a while and then returning. Sometimes, it's because I'm pondering something...most times, I'm busy just being. I've always been content to doodle around in my own world...maybe it's because I was deaf as a kid. Who knows...what's more is, does it really matter?

I was sick, and I'm back. 

Here's what happened... I have been out and about in Bahrain and seen some cool stuff, but a couple of days after I arrived, I got alarmigly sick. I didn't feel particularly bad - and it had nothing to do with the water or anything I may have caught here.

Since cancer - and any time I hit that "fear and death place" again - I pull back and really take a good look. I ask myself, "Am I LOVING what I'm doing?"

Then, I let go. I let go of any feeling of "wanting", any feelings of "pushing". I just sit back and enjoy life - taking that feeling of "just being" to an even deeper place.

I get reminded again that we only have a certain amount of time here on the planet. I remember that none of us has to "do" anything to be "worthy". We were created in perfection. There's nothing we have to "earn". Our mere presence is enough...and I feel free all over again.

Here's are the details about what happened with my health...

(Anyone who's easily grossed out, skip down to "continue reading".)

Thursday evening after I arrived, I began bleeding profusely from places I shouldn't be bleeding. I'm not one to get overly alarmed...but I'll admit that I started thinking the cancer was back. The bleeding continued all night.

I finally went to sleep about 6 am. (I could have gone to the doctor...but I'm always one to wait - not always wise.)

By noon Friday, it had stopped. (Friday here is like our Sunday - and even the American facility was closed.) I could have gone to the Bahrain emergency room, but at this point, there was no bleeding and probably no emergency.

I drank a ton of water in an attempt to flush out my system - which apparently worked. When I went to the doctor on Sunday, they found no evidence of bacteria. The doctor felt fairly certain that it was a bladder infection even without the evidence of bacteria as my back and abdomen were sore. So he gave some meds.

(In case you were wondering, Sunday is like Monday here.)

I rested and felt much better. The aching and soreness in my back went away.

Continue reading  : )  - squeamish part over

I will still go get checked when I return to the states. I'm certain it was a bladder infection. The medication worked, but it doesn't hurt to be careful, especially since there was no bacteria present at the time of testing...and I have, in fact, had cancer before.

I feel confident because I had some follow-up testing done a few months ago which showed no tumors on the ovaries or uteras...other than fibroids which are benign.

Just FYI in case you didn't know --- cancers like breast cancer, ovarian cancer and prostate cancer are related. Having one or any of these in yourself or in your family presents a higher risk of the others.

It doesn't mean you should walk around in fear. However, it does present an opportunity to stay on top of things which I plan to do because...

With cancer, catching it early is key.

In fact, there's a great article in Wired magazine this month about just that - the fact that catching it early is key.

The article is called "The Truth About Cancer" - I was blown away. Bravo to Thomas Goetz on a well-written, necessary piece of information...and bravo to Wired for having the balls to put this out there.

The cancer survival rate if it's caught early is 90%. If later, that number drops to 10%.

I've known this truth about cancer from my own experience.

This disease strikes such fear because people don't fully understand the nature of the beast.

Yes, it's scary as hell to hear the words, "It was cancer."

Part of the reason cancer is so scary for so many is that it's not caught until it's darn near too late.

When I went in for my first biopsy, I was terrified - and rightly so. I had three aunts who died around my age from the same disease.

When the nurse told me that I was in good shape, that even if it turned out to be cancer, I would be okay...I questioned her about why she thought this was so. After all, my family history said different. I had read about how dangerous breast cancer is in younger women and how it's a harder fight the younger you are when you get it, and I'd seen this to be true with my aunts and friends.

All I knew who had gotten disease young had died.

I wanted to believe this nurse...but why - if what she was saying were true, then why did so many young women die of the disease? I wanted to know why it was so lethal for younger women.

I'll never forget her answer.

She said, "Because nobody's looking for it."

In other words, the cancer's lethal because it's not getting caught early.

That news should have thrilled me to hear.

After all, she's not saying that it's because one cancer is worse than another or because one person's system is stronger than another...although these can definitely play a role in the recovery of health.

She was saying that the primary indicator of success in treating the disease was whether or not it was caught early.

In my later "run in" with the disease, I would run into the politics of "early detection"...you can read more about my experience in referral hell here and here at "Breast vs. Board of Insurance".

Here's a brief insight on early detection.

When the powers that be talk of early detection with breast cancer, early detection means 40 and over. The MRI, while not entirely accurate, is ideal for detection in younger women when used with a mammo because of the dense nature of the breast tissue when women are younger. However, it isn't - and won't be - used as a regular detection tool because it's too expensive. (They say it's because the MRI gives too many false positives, but I've been told it's because it's too expensive.)

Just look at my story...I had a family history of breast cancer. There were already suspicious findings, and I was told "no" on the MRI recommended by my doctors. (If you read the links above, you'll see that they eventually agreed to pay.)

The news sensationalizes cancer and the media pushes for research money for a cure...but the truth is, there's already technology available to catch it early - but no one wants to pay for the tests. Rather the tests don't get recommended because of costs.

Doesn't it make sense to stop it BEFORE it gets started?

The GOOD NEWS is...when it's caught early , it is highly - and much more easily - treated.

Lives are being lost because "nobody's looking".

A last note...

I owe a "thanks" to the Wired article for reiterating for me the nature of the disease.

The article was perfect timing and reminded me that cancer is easily beatable if caught early. A gentleman in the article, Don Listwin, lost his mother to cancer and started an amazing foundation dedicated to early detection...and to making certain that these tools are affordable. (Go, Mr Listwin!!!  And may God bless you and your work!)

His mother had had breast cancer years earlier. She was having problems and went to her doctor who twice diagnosed her with a bladder infection.

By the time they diagnosed the real cause of her problems - stage IV ovarian cancer - it was too late.

I will be going in when I get home to make sure that the bladder infection really was a bladder infection.

Thanks to Wired and to Mr. Listwin for the reminder!

The truth is...either way, I know that all is good, and that everything happens for a reason. I now know that under every seeming adversity lies an even greater asset. I know that everything - even cancer - goes to my greater good.

P.S. If anyone knows Mr. Listwin or his work, I'd love to connect with him. I think what he is doing is absolutely brilliant, and I'd love to help in any way I can. Besides my personal experience, I also have training that might be useful in his endeavors.

Ministers, mental illness and spirituality

A recent article in Live Science titled "Church Pastors Dismiss Mental Illness" caused some interesting comments. I'm commenting on it for a couple of reasons.

The article says that 32% of pastors dismissed mental illness as "spiritual in nature". (The group was 293 people who had been previously diagnosed with schizophrenia or other serious mental illness.)

First, let's do the math, 32% is 93.76 people. So, 68% of these ministers did an okay job...the 68% isn't pointed out.

I suppose my interest in this article is that it puts religion in opposition to science - or God in opposition to science - by opposing, in this case, psychiatry and theology.

What I don't understand is why science and religion/spirituality have to be mutually exclusive.

Why can they not support each other?

If you do some research of the big icons of science, you might be surprised how deeply spiritual many of them are. One modern day chemist comments that when he makes a new discovery, he's always amazed and thinks, "Aaahhh, so that's how God did it."

(For a research project in my master's program, I looked at science in the classroom. That's where I saw this coexistence of both strong spirituality and serious pursuit of science.)

To dismiss God or spirituality outright as "unscientific" is, in itself, an unscientific approach.

I'm always fascinated by the vehement reactions one can get by mentioning God and science together, as though they might go together.

Why does it always have to be either/or instead of both/and?

For the most benefit, as in the case of this article, psychology and theology would ideally work together.

When dealing with cancer, I didn't seek treatment for simply the removal of the cancer - although I did do that (double mastectomy), but I also sought spiritual guidance, as well as seeking the mental and emotional contributors of the disease.

I believe it was in Bernie Siegel's book, Love, Medicine, and Miracles, that he talks about his years of working with cancer patients and noticed that amongst women with breast cancer, he noticed a pattern. Some of the patients he saw were diagnosed with breast cancer within 4 to 5 years of their husband's death suggesting that there may be a connection to grief.

So, would he be "out of line" to suggest as an M.D. that in addition to chemo or other "physical" treatment, that the patient also seek psychiatric or spiritual counseling for the grief as a means to treat the physical reality of the cancer?

I think not.

There can be multiple answers to the same question.

For example, and simplicity's sake, think of how many ways you can add to get to the sum of "4".

There's "1+3", "2+2", "3+1", "0+4", "4+0". You wouldn't dream of saying that ""3+1" is any better than "1+3"...or perhaps you would, but both still get you to "4".

In my own case with cancer, I tried to answer - on several levels - the question, "Why was the cancer present?" I believe there were physical reasons - I have a family history of cancer, and that was the obvious reason...a genetic predisposition perhaps.

However, what was the switch that turned on the cancer and caused these cells to grow out of control?

Why, all of a sudden, did my body cease to "take care of" these errant cells? (I have read studies that suggest that cancers, or errant cells, are typically present in the body at all times but a normally functioning system "gets rid of" the errant cells.)

Therefore, I also was open to other possible triggers - after all, why not treat all possible factors?

From this perspective, I don't think it was necessarily irresponsible for the ministers to say that these people's problems were spiritual in nature. Why is it wrong to think there could be a spiritual element?

Why could the problem not be physical/biological, spiritual, emotional, and mental?

I do understand that the problem purported in this article was that the ministers suggested that the patients did not need their medication, and I would agree that this is not necessarily responsible.

Why, though, could a spiritual perspective not be, in addition to medication, a type of "adjunct" treatment?

Plus, let's be real. Yes, ministers have training as counselors. But if you don't want answers of a spiritual nature, then why would you seek a minister's guidance in the first place?

I guess I just don't understand throwing the baby out with the bath water...you could have your medication for the disorder and get spiritual assistance to deal with, manage, or treat the disorder as well.

Famed psychologist, M. Scott Peck in his book, "Glimpses of the Devil" says, "In my mind, psychology and theology are so integrated as to be interdependent branches of the same science."

I also think it's interesting to note people's reactions to the LiveScience article.

There were calm comments on both sides, and then, since this was religion, there were those reactions that were polarized to one end or the other...typically, if the response were polarized, it was polarized to the "See, religion and the church are backwards...this is why I don't have anything to do with God."

One responder used this article to point out that Hitler used Jesus' words as justification for the extermination of Jews. I agree with this responder that religious teachings of all kinds have been used to commit heinous acts.

This does not mean, however, that the teaching itself is errant. 

People that are proponents of all kinds of violence, like racism in the South or violence against abortion clinics or gay rights advocate, use the Bible to prove why their violence is justified. Happens all the time and from many religions...not just Christianity.

The current "Holy War" being fought by Muslim terrorists isn't much different than the Crusader Wars waged by the Christians several hundreds of years ago.

Terrorists use the Q'uran to justify their "Holy War" and blow up buildings with innocent people. (I haven't read the Q'uran, but my husband has studied it, and my best friend is Muslim.) It pained her to see people using the Q'uran to justify such violence just as it pains me to see people using the Bible to justify violence against those with whom they don't agree.

Point being, the truth can be in more places than one at the same time. I'm not proposing that "everything goes", but rather that the "I'm right. You're wrong" line of thinking - while you may be right and the other person may, indeed, be wrong...comes from a place of fear, from a place of judgement. You may be right, but that doesn't mean there isn't room for compassion.

Judgement leads to division. Judgement is different than discernment - but that would be a different discussion.

I heard a priest not too long ago speak of the Garden of Eden and God's command that Adam and Eve should not eat of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. I had never thought of this story in the way the priest put it. He said that the commandment not to eat of the tree was a command "not to judge".

An interesting question to ask might be...

What causes us to feel so desperate to be "right"...or so threatened by the possibility of spiritual answers for our problems and issues.

In the quest for "wholeness", healing, inner peace, or oneness, isn't any avenue valid that  - leads us to that place, builds us up, does no harm, honors free will, acknowledge's personal responsiblity and leads to unity?